A guide to British road signs and driving etiquette

Friday 2 January 2026

whimsy

A Whimsical Guide to British Road Signs and Driving Etiquette

Picture yourself behind the wheel of a clunky old Mini, the wind tugging at your scarf, the hum of the engine a comforting lullaby. The motorway stretches ahead, and a sea of flashing lights glimmers like fireflies in disrepair. Welcome to the chaotic (yet oddly charming) world of British road signs and the covert rituals that dictate which of us gets to glide past the next petrol station with a drink in hand and a jaunty grin.

1. Speed Limits – The Quiet Pledges

100 mph (The “Speed Limit 100 miles an hour” is no joke—except if you drive a cheeky C16 Fiat).
Etiquette advice: Keep your speed within the band. If you find yourself tempted to cross the band, shush that inner daredevil; you’ll be at a red flag for protest‑mobs, not a speeding ticket.
70 mph (Says the sign. We’ll all pretend to listen).
Etiquette advice: “Mind the speed” – never argue; every “70” on a sign is a loving cameo by the inspector general.
20 mph in built‑up areas, 30 mph on single carriageways.
Etiquette advice: Always honour the “Keep Left” doctrine. Think of it as a social contract: the left lane is a place for flamboyant lorries that don’t have paddle wheels. Keep the middle lane for tourists and the right for those who think parking lights are for kids only.
No Speed Limit: The idyllic turn‑in‑the‑forest‑like rhythm of an A‑road where every kilometer is an invitation to test your aerodynamics.
Etiquette advice: Even in the “no speed limit” zone, still keep your average speed below 50 mph – because, surprise, a cyclist will occasionally surmount you in their park‑attuned polka‑dot kit.

2. Turn Signals and Flasher Phants

Turn Signs
The imperative: use your indicator before you turn, not as the vehicle is already spinning. If your turn is a gentle waltz, the flashing arrow signs will politely wink at the Hermes of traffic.
Hazard Lights
These bright, purple nonsense lights are basically the “hold my beer” for the road: “Beware of me, let me join the queue of chaos”.
Etiquette advice: Use the hazard lights to signal a breakdown or a neighbour wishing to politely complain about the potholes at the intersection. Never to express anger at three strangers on the motorway – that’s your mother’s bicycle and you, in your fancy ride, will be looked upon as a harbinger of mischief.

3. Road Sign Savits

Sign	Meaning	Etiquette
?	No Overtaking	On narrow single carriageways, stay in your lane. If your back glass is clear, the drivers behind will be thank‑youing your courtesy.
?	Brace on the Going Ahead	When you circumnavigate an obstacle with Precision Carriage without ringing the “wheeee”—lessons for every adventurer.
?‍♂️	Pedestrian Crossing	Always stop, browse your surroundings. If the “zebra crossing” is herding a herd of chickens, don’t, instead let them overtake.
?‍♀️	Cycle Track	Treat the track as an open lane. Cycle Supremacy? No. Respect.
?‍	Keep Left Behind	Lorries use the left lane by convention. Keep your left for those with a glove box too.
?	Roundabout	Give way to those already inside. Then when you’re ready to exit, signal; you’ll find many delighted pigeons side‑glinting at the good manners.
?	Stop	Bow before the sign. Yes, a bow from a cab that intends to cross the road.
?	Directional – road sign ‘A′	Think of it like a sea‑crystal; it is your GPS. Customarily, do not ignore it. On a full Moon’s Eve you might see the flashing lights of a psychic deliverer, but that’s outside the realm of rural advice.

4. “Ladies First” & The Odd One at the Horn

When the whistle blows – literally - at rail crossing gates or construction zones, remember the simplest of etiquette: the female driver is first. On that rare occasion when you have a male front passenger, you might find them humming under your hairline, they’ll subtly cheer at the bus stop.

In the rare case of they’re giving you a nod to indicate “We’ll go after you – keep pace,” do not worry: it’s not a command; it is an invitation to accompany the lady making her way into the hospital via the ambulance lane.

5. The Pink–White Curfew

There are certain ‘colour‑coded’ days for crayon‑smeared children or quarter‑mile detours to be executed in a hurry:

Purple – Bien‑venue to the park, the traffic will likely curl into a waltz with the singled‑width lanes listed below.
Blue – The day the chief architect window is painted one side with car‑hull‑painted traffic.
Red (e.g., red‑lighted cross roads) – At any of them the players “frozen” – make sure you’re the one that operates the hydra.

6. Closing Credits

The British road system isn’t merely a network of asphalt and signage; it’s a living, breathing tableau of unwritten rituals, punctuated by the flashing of turn signals and flash with the tongues of pot‑filled cyclists. Despite the complexities, the urchin of confusion (which is you) can safely find your way with a dash of mindfulness and a sprinkle of common courtesy.

Remember: When the back of the Mini buzzes loud—“copper-coloured lights!”—the simplest of actions is: "I slam the brakes, I apologize, and later I call a taxi."

In the end, if the signs look absurd, stop, stare with wonder, and then proceed under the quiet proton of Christian logic (the Royal Warrant “Keep the lane” remains firm).

Happy travelling, and may your journey always be punctuated with a little chuckle, a red‑light, and the curious unknown marvel of the British road sign tableau.