How to Survive a Tea Party with Prince Charming and a Duck
Saturday 17 January 2026
humour
How to Survive a Tea Party with Prince Charming and a Duck
An etiquette‑handbook for the modern dream‑er who knows the difference between a polite “um” and a Queen‑level splash.
1. Know Your Guests
| Guest | What to Expect | Tip |
|---|---|---|
| Prince Charming | He will don a tuxedo, a chivalrous grin, and may still be pre‑conscious of “your highness” when asked for a cup of raspberry. | Keep a spare set of cufflinks handy – the prince will need to straighten them up after every sip. |
| The Duck | A quack‑tastic, garrulous guest who may be quick to comment that the tea “needs more pond‑ity.” | A small bowl of water is essential – he’ll politely request damp tea leaves and a quack of his own. |
2. Set the Scene
- Cover the Tablecloth: A simple linen is fine, but always check that no one is drawing the “Dear‑to‑Prince” crayon on the edge.
- Centrifugal Teapot: If the pot’s a bit delicate, inform the prince that the duck may try to bowlwater across the saucers – highly unlikely, but apparently – attempt.
3. Bow Before the Drink
- The Bow Ritual: In the UK, one typically bows gently when courtsmen arrive.
- When Basil‑the‑Duck Is in the Room: A quack in the middle of a bow can be chaos. So, schedule the duck’s “bow” for after tea – the quack is more polite in the background.
4. Etiquette: “The Five Spirals”
- Do – Use a straight spoon, stir, don’t stare at your own tea.
- Don’t – Touch the prince’s lapels – it may feel like a royal pinch.
- Do – Bring the duck a distraction: a small slice of cucumber (they do love it!) for sanity.
- Don’t – Try to over‑crown the duck. In fairy‑tales it may turn into a lily‑pond, but your tea table will just splatter.
- Do – After the tea, offer the prince “one more cup of honey” – the duck will politely sigh and croak its approval.
5. Speech Full of Choices
- Smart Brevity: Prince Charming likes to speak in short sentences – “It’s lovely.”
- Duck‑style: Quack a heart‑felt "I love this tea, but…". Avoid any “splashy” puns that sound like a swallowed comment.
If you can't avoid a splash, aim for “soup” – sociable, optional, and unlikely to provoke a quack‑attack.
6. The Dessert & Re-branch (or Lunch? No, it’s just tea).
- Dessert: A miniature Earl Grey “tea‑tarte”, because etiquette demands you have a pastry.
- Re‑branch: When the duck linearly crosses the room, say politely, “Yes, if you’ll grace us with a second cup, this would normally be a cluck of complaint.”
Final Word
A tea party with Prince Charming and a duck is an exercise in paws‑itivity and proper armature.
- Keep the tea level.
- Keep your manners twirled.
- And remember: a quack is simply art-washing for the soul.
If you adhere to these rules, you’ll survive the royal, feathered affair and perhaps gain an invite to the next medieval tea‑blockade. Cheers (or as the duck would say, Cheeps).
