The Art of Queueing Etiquette

The Art of Queueing Etiquette

Because standing is only half the battle – the other half is keeping your distance politely

1. Call it “Queueing”

In the United Kingdom the proper term for a line is a queue – no “line” entirely, and definitely no “fila” (unless you’re a tourist who has swallowed a Spanish viaduct). Queueing isn’t merely a physical arrangement; it’s an aesthetic tradition, a choreographed dance that draws folks together like a well‑planned Hamlet.

2. The Right‑Hand Rule

The post‑war film Stalag 17 taught us that a line should always move from left to right. A queue is a line that honours the right‑hand side, especially when you’re standing in a supermarket. Imagine a tea‑party in a ballroom: everyone politely pushes their chair to the right, leaving space for the next noble guest. In practice, this means you keep a generous distance from the person in front of you (two pence for a foot, roughly). The queue’s rhythm then falters – no one can clench a bag and hoard a sweet.

3. The “In‑Front‑Edge” Courtesy

Do not be that landlubber who you’d rather bump into when the queue is full. If you’re going to err up, imagine you’re in a church choir and you’re about to break the line. The first rule: don’t even think about it. If you must move, make sure the gap is clear‑card. The slot can be the size of a croissant, not a loaf of bread.

4. Queue Pilgrim or Queue Pilferer?

All progress stops when someone trogues a neighbour’s chosen spot. The subtle art is to never have a neighbour’s “sweet spot” snubbed. (For this reason we need a queue‑law champion in every train station on the West Coast Line). If you’re a habitual queue‑pirate, you better start practising on the waiting list for a theatre play – it’s already a queue of a queue.

5. Queueing for Public Transport

The bus cycle has an almost mystical aura. The first company you enter, the bus driver’s last wave, the creak of the door and you are a trunk of the queue. Keep the portable phone silent; if you must talk, use the privacy of the hornless car while you queue for a tea leaf.

6. The Queueing Ritual for Grocery Stores

A precious ritual once reserved for the bourgeoisie: a shiny golden‑ringed “chocolate” that signals your arrival. The golden ring is the official “queue‑stick.” The reputable rule: always stand politely at the end of the queue. The next system: if the store sells a slot for a last‑minute item, then slump against the pylon of the counter and watch the queue breathe.

7. Queue‑Minded Pets

It is not common for your dog to be standing ready for the next human. The animal is quick to drop its chew‑bone. A respectable way to queue with your pup is to place it at the side and keep the chain out of sight. The dog will politely understand it’s you can come in at any time, but the queue stands for the actual "queue" — not for the tail.

8. Top‑Tips for the Accidental Queen

• Take a side – Some British queueing culture says that it is a good idea to queue on the side you’d direct foot traffic to if you couldn’t stand your way.
• Add some errand charm – The wonderful British tradition of queue‑umbel: buy a quick snack and leave it in the queue to get a smile from folks in front.
• Remember the “post‑queue” lox – When you’re ready to move, you must accept the next order from the queue. You do not abandon the queue by deciding not to do the next step.

The Hidden Spiritual Genius of Queueing

Queueing, in real terms, is a vibrant manifestation of calm. Agreeing on a line turns humiliation into generosity, turns impatience into plan. It’s an art that humans practice with great love to all queue‑cops and citizens.

So next time you look at a queue and wonder why you’re not in a queue grocery store, remember a good bite. The queue is a queue: a forming of people patiently waiting for something delicious, a queue for the next open slot for a sum of wholeheartedly considered arithmetic when the bus is nearing the station. It might not be as exciting as a quick pot of tea, but it is more delicious. A queue lives. Therefore, a queue is **”the precious queue.”