Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 28th July 1991

Dilbert//834, first published 35 years ago on Sunday 28th July 1991

Tags

dogbert friend service questions accidentally borrowed tool lethal trap qualified sea monkeys

Official transcript

The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service."

A man says, "I'd like to find a friend."

Dogbert says, "Have a seat."

Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you."

Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap."

The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap."

Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last."

Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys."

The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

DOGBERT'S FIND-A-FRIEND SERVICE I'D LIKE TO FIND A FRIEND.

HAVE A SEAT.

I NEED TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS, SO I DON'T ACCIDENTALLY MATCH YOU WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S TOO 600D FOR YOU.

ONE: WHEN A FRIEND DOESN'T RETURN A BORROWED TOOL, DO YOU ?

A: MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENTS; B: BUY A NEW TOOL; C: SET A LETHAL TRAP.

C: SET A LETHAL TRAP.

SADAMS LATER I'M AFRAID YOU HAVEN'T QUALIFIED FOR A NORMAL FRIEND... I COULD SET YOU UP WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S NEW IN TOWN, BUT IT WOULDN'T LAST.

THERE'S ONE OPTION TWO, IF YOU COUNT GROWING SEA MONKEYS.

YES, I HATE SEA MONKEYS TOO. WHO ARE YOU?

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

AI Analysis

Title: "The Unconventional Friend"

Summary:

This comic strip, originally published in 1991, presents a humorous take on the concept of friendship. The story begins with Dogbert, a dog and the office worker's nemesis, offering his services as a "find-a-friend" service. The client, a man, is hesitant at first but eventually agrees to pay for Dogbert's assistance.

Dogbert presents three options for finding a friend, each with a unique twist:

• Option A: Make sarcastic comments.
• Option B: Buy a new tool.
• Option C: Set a lethal trap.

The client chooses option C, and Dogbert sets a trap, which ultimately leads to the client being attacked by a group of sea monkeys. The client is left frustrated and disappointed, while Dogbert remains unapologetic and amused by the outcome.

Throughout the comic strip, the author uses satire and irony to poke fun at the idea of finding friends and the absurdity of some people's expectations. The use of a dog as the main character adds to the comedic effect, highlighting the unpredictability and playfulness of the situation.

Overall, "The Unconventional Friend" is a lighthearted and entertaining comic strip that explores the complexities of human relationships and the challenges of finding meaningful connections with others.

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