Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 18th February 1996

Dilbert//2500, first published thirty years ago on Sunday 18th February 1996

Tags

project time line work portion meet with people competitive bids predictable behavior randomly reorganize department cut funding final phase death bitter and broken leaving building medical

Official transcript

Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert works on a laptop connected to an overhead projector. Dilbert says, "Here's my project time line."

Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "The 'work' portion will take one week."

Dilbert continues, "I'll spend three weeks meeting with people whom you send to me because you don't feel like talking to them yourself."

Dilbert continues, "I'll spend eight weeks getting competitive bids from companies that I know I won't select."

Dilbert continues, ". . . Six weeks to get the wisdom and approval of executives who are too busy to understand the issues."

Dilbert says, "During that time you will randomly reorganize the department and cut my funding."

Dilbert points to a picture of a man jumping out of a building window. Dilbert continues, "In the final phase I leap to my death, a bitter and broken shell of a man."

The Boss asks, "Is there some sort of manager thing I should be doing now?"

Dilbert replies, "If I time my leap right you'll just be leaving the building."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

HERE'S MY PROJECT TIME LINE.

THE "WORK" PORTION WILL TAKE ONE WEEK.

WORK 1 WEEK I'LL SPEND THREE WEEKS MEETING WITH PEOPLE WHOM YOU SEND TO ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO THEM YOURSELF.

3 WEEKS I'LL SPEND EIGHT WEEKS GETTING COMPETITIVE BIDS FROM COMPANIES THAT I KNOW I WONT SELECT.

... SIX WEEKS TO GET THE WISDOM AND APPROVAL OF EXECUTIVES WHO ARE TOO BUSY TO UNDERSTAND THE ISSUES DURING THAT TIME YOU WILL RANDOMLY REORGANIZE THE DEPARTMENT AND CUT MY FUNDING.

IN THE FINAL PHASE I LEAP TO MY DEATH, A BITTER AND BROKEN SHELL OF A MAN.

IS THERE SOME SORT OF MANAGER THING I SHOULD BE DOING NOW?

IF I TIME MY LEAP RIGHT YOU'LL JUST BE LEAVING THE BUILDING.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

Accompanying textual content, such as title, tags and transcripts, is shown here if we have it. Not every comic has all of these, and they seem to be a bit hit and miss even on the official website.