Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 28th November 1999

Dilbert//3879, first published 27 years ago on Sunday 28th November 1999

Tags

catbert evil director hr dept

Official transcript

Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job."

He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee."

He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..."

"...To accurately reflect the views of management."

Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations"

is renamed to..."

"..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..."

He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations"

will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..."

Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES I LOVE MY JOB HELLO, HAPLESS EMPLOYEE.

I'VE RENAMED THE FOUR LEVELS OF EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE...

... TO ACCURATELY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF MANAGEMENT.

THE CATEGORY OF "EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS" IS RENAMED TO "AT LEAST HE OR SHE DOESN'T DROOL ON HIMSELF OR HERSELF." "MEETS EXPECTATIONS" WILL BE CALLED "LOSER". "DOES NOT MEET EXPECTATIONS" WILL NOW BE CALLED "DIE! DIE! DIE!" I COULD SEND IT OUT BY EMAIL BUT I ENJOY SEEING THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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