Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 8th April 2001

Dilbert//4376, first published 25 years ago on Sunday 8th April 2001

Tags

punish me manage annual business plan beg co workers information budget needs lies ignore you underscoring unimportance combine lies and guesses ballof data senior mangement budget decions magazine articles

Official transcript

Asok is in the bosses office. Asok says, "Did you call me here to punish me?"

The boss is sitting behind his desk. The boss says, "No, no, Asok. I want you to manage our annual business plan process."

Asok says, "How so I do that?"

The boss says, "First, you beg your co-workers for information about their budget needs."

With a close-up on Asok, the boss continues off-frame "Half of them will give you lies. The other half will ignore you. Thus underscoring your unimportance."

The boss continues, "Then you'll combine the lies and guesses into a worthless ball of data for senior management."

Asok faces the boss as the boss says, "Then our CEO will make budget decisions based on magazine articles."

Dilbert asks Asok, "How bad was the punishment?"

Asok says, "Worse than I expected."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

DID YOU CALL ME HERE TO PUNISH ME?

NO, NO, ASOK. I WANT YOU TO MANAGE OUR ANNUAL BUSINESS PLAN PROCESS.

HOW DO I DO THAT?

FIRST, YOU BEG YOUR COWORKERS FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THEIR BUDGET NEEDS.

HALF OF THEM WILL GIVE YOU LIES. THE OTHER HALF WILL IGNORE YOU, THUS UNDERSCORING YOUR UNIMPORTANCE.

THEN YOU'LL COMBINE THE LIES AND GUESSES INTO A WORTHLESS BALL OF DATA FOR SENIOR MANAGEMENT.

THEN OUR CEO WILL MAKE BUDGET DECISIONS BASED ON MAGAZINE ARTICLES.

HOW BAD WAS THE PUNISHMENT?

WORSE THAN I EXPECTED

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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