Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 22nd September 2002

Dilbert//4908, first published 24 years ago on Sunday 22nd September 2002

Tags

full service broker stick broker brokers know stocks earn trust direct approach garbage biggest commission

Official transcript

Dilbert walks into the office of a Full Service Broker. The Broker introduces himself to Dilbert, "I'm Bob Weaselton, your full-service stockbroker."

Bob continues, "There are two ways we can go here."

Bob continues, "Option one: I act as if brokers know which stocks are better than others."

Bob continues, "Then I'll earn your trust by comparing your portfolio to misleading benchmarks."

Bob continues, "But I prefer a more direct approach."

Bob continues, "Option two: I sell you whatever garbage earns me the biggest commission."

Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Would you do me a favor and lie to me?"

Dogbert responds, "Nice haircut."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

FULL SERVICE BROKER I'M BOB WEASELTON, YOUR FULL-SERVICE STOCK BROKER.

THERE ARE TWO WAYS WE CAN GO HERE.

OPTION ONE: I ACT AS IF BROKERS KNOW WHICH STOCKS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS.

THEN I'LL EARN YOUR TRUST BY COMPARING YOUR PORTFOLIO TO MISLEADING BENCHMARKS.

BUT I PREFER A MORE DIRECT APPROACH.

OPTION TWO : I SELL YOU WHATEVER GAR BAGE EARNS ME THE BIGGEST COMMISSION.

WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND LIE TO ME?

NICE HAIRCUT.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

Accompanying textual content, such as title, tags and transcripts, is shown here if we have it. Not every comic has all of these, and they seem to be a bit hit and miss even on the official website.