Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 20th February 2005

Dilbert//5790, first published 21 years ago on Sunday 20th February 2005

Tags

pre meeting problems fix them budgets deadlines technical stuff any questions feel nauseated great job compliments

Official transcript

Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them."

"Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them."

"Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him."

"That leaves me nothing to talk about."

"Perfect!"

"Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?"

"Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!"

"Why does success make me hate humanity?"

"They deserve it."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

LET'S HAVE A PRE- MEETING BEFORE YOUR MEETING WITH OUR VICE PRESIDENT.

DON'T MENTION ANY PROBLEMS BECAUSE HE MIGHT TRY TO FIX THEM.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BUDGETS OR DEADLINES BECAUSE HE MIGHT REDUCE THEM.

LEAVE OUT THE TECHNICAL STUFF BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY CONFUSE HIM.

THAT LEAVES ME NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.

PERFECT!

HELLO... AND IN SUMMARY, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?

WOW! THAT'S THE FIRST PRESENTATION THAT HASN'T MADE ME FEEL NAUSEATED OR DIZZY! GREAT JOB!

WHY DOES SUCCESS MAKE ME HATE HUMANITY?

THEY DESERVE IT.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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