Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 3rd June 2012

Dilbert//8450, first published fourteen years ago on Sunday 3rd June 2012

Tags

laziness office workers encouragement career plans misjudge 5 year plan legacy sytems retirement projects protect heart plenty of naps quality of work pension fund new career plan

Official transcript

Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

WALLY, YOU CANT FLOAT THROUGH LIFE WITH NO GOALS AND NO AMBITION YOU MISJUDGE ME. I HAVE MY ENTIRE CAREER PLANNED OUT.

MY FIVE-YEAR PLAN IS TO AVOID ANY SORT OF WORK IN WHICH MY INDIVIDUAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS CAN BE MEASURED.

I'LL HOARD KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ONE OF OUR LEGACY SYSTEMS SO I SEEM INDISPENSIBLE.

WHEN I GET TO WITHIN FOUR YEARS OF RETIREMENT, I'LL ONLY WORK ON PROJECTS THAT HAVE A FIVE-YEAR PAYBACK.

I'LL PROTECT MY CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM BY GETTING PLENTY OF NAPS AND NOT CARING ABOUT THE QUALITY OF MY WORK.

THEN I'LL STICK A STRAW IN OUR PENSION FUND AND SUCK ON IT FOR THE NEXT FORTY YEARS DID YOU GET HIM STRAIGHT ENED OUT?

NO, BUT I GOT A NEW CAREER PLAN FOR MYSELF.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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