Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 15th October 1995

Dilbert//2374, first published 31 years ago on Sunday 15th October 1995

Tags

dogbert long range planner impossible evaluation flex-time supposed to work internet connection n telecommute not pollute give a hoot losers demanded relocation no budget poodle graohics big raise

Official transcript

Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why do you want to be our new 'Long Range Planner,' Mister Dogbert?"

Dogbert replies, "Because 'long range' is very far away . . ."

Dogbert continues, ". . . Therefore it will be impossible to evaluate my performance."

Dogbert continues, "If it's not too much to ask, I'd like to be on flex-time so you'll never know if I'm supposed to be at work."

Dogbert continues, "I'll need an Internet connection at home so I can telecommute and not pollute. Because I give a hoot."

Dogbert continues, "Also, I'd like to be in a group with lots of losers. That way I'll get the biggest riase when we're ranked."

The Boss says, "You're hired. All of the other applicants demanded relocation expenses and I have no budget for that."

Dogbert stands at a desk. Dilbert asks, "Why do I have to work while you just look for poodle graphics on the Internet?"

Dogbert says, "Don't work too hard; I'd like a big raise."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE OUR NEW "LONG RANGE PLANNER," MISTER DOGBERT?

BECAUSE "LONG RANGE" IS VERY FAR AWAY...

..THEREFORE IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE TO EVALUATE MY PERFORMANCE.

IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, I'D LIKE TO BE ON FLEXTIME SO YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IF I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK.

I'LL NEED AN INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME SO I CAN TELECOMMUTE AND NOT POLLUTE.

BECAUSE I GIVE A HOOT.

ALSO, I'D LIKE TO BE IN A GROUP WITH LOTS OF LOSERS.

THAT WAY I'LL GET THE BIGGEST RAISE WHEN WE'RE RANKED YOU'RE HIRED. ALL OF THE OTHER APPLICANTS DEMANDED RELOCATION EXPENSES AND I HAVE NO BUDGET FOR THAT.

WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK WHILE YOU JUST LOOK FOR POODLE GRAPHICS ON THE INTERNET?

DON'T WORK TOO HARD; I'D LIKE A BIG RAISE.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

AI Analysis

Comic Strip Title: "Long Range Planner"

Summary:

The comic strip features a conversation between a new employee, Mister Dogbert, and his boss. Mister Dogbert is hired as a "Long Range Planner" despite having no budget for relocation expenses and a poor work ethic. The boss is unaware of Mister Dogbert's lack of motivation and is eager to have him on the team.

Key Points:

• Mister Dogbert is hired as a "Long Range Planner" despite his lack of motivation and poor work ethic.
• The boss is unaware of Mister Dogbert's true nature and is eager to have him on the team.
• Mister Dogbert is not interested in working hard and is only interested in being on flex-time so he can be at home.
• The boss is willing to give Mister Dogbert a raise when they are ranked, but Mister Dogbert is not interested in working hard to achieve this goal.
• The comic strip pokes fun at the idea of hiring someone who is not motivated or interested in their job, and the consequences that can follow.

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