Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 21st May 2000

Dilbert//4054, first published 26 years ago on Sunday 21st May 2000

Tags

behind schedule created without knowledge future wild guesses surrigates knowledge project dealines trade show dates failure assured apologize budgets are created

Official transcript

The Boss asks Dilbert, "Can you explain why your project is behind schedule?"

Dilbert answers, "Yes. A schedule is an artificial device created without knowledge of the future."

Dilbert goes on to say, "Wild guesses are used as surrogates for knowledge."

Dilbert says to the Boss, "Project deadlines ae tied to trade show dates instead of reality."

Dilbert continues his explanation, "Then management cuts the budget until failure is assured."

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I assume you called me here so you can apologize for your role in all this."

The Boss sits in his chair looking puzzled and amazed. Dilbert then asks the Boss, "Would you like to hear how budgets are created?"

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOUR PROJECT IS BEHIND SCHEDULE?

YES. A SCHEDULE IS AN ARTIFICIAL DEVICE CREATED WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF THE FUTURE.

WILD GUESSES ARE USED AS SURROGATES FOR KNOWLEDGE.

PROJECT DEADLINES ARE TIED TO TRADE SHOW DATES INSTEAD OF REALITY.

THEN MANAGEMENT CUTS THE BUDGET UNTIL FAILURE IS ASSURED.

I ASSUME YOU CALLED ME HERE SO YOU CAN APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ROLE IN ALL THIS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR HOW BUDGETS ARE CREATED?

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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