Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 27th April 2003

Dilbert//5125, first published 23 years ago on Sunday 27th April 2003

Tags

customer diservice program tech supprt stretched telephone cleansed online support useful articles support groups train customers

Official transcript

The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program."

The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot."

The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice."

The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry."

The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..."

Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles."

The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups."

The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too."

Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?"

The Boss replies, "Sure."

A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?"

Wally responds, "You're doing it."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

WE'VE EXPANDED OUR CUSTOMER DISSERVICE PROGRAM.

...DOUBLED OUR UNHELPFUL TECHNICAL SUPPORT ADVICE.

...STRETCHED OUR TELEPHONE HOLD TIMES TO LETHAL DURATIONS..

...AND CLEANSED OUR ONLINE SUPPORT DATABASE OF ALL USEFUL ARTICLES.

OUR GOAL IS TO FORCE CUSTOMERS TO FORM SUPPORT GROUPS.

UH... REBOOT OVER TIME, WITH LUCK, WE'LL TRAIN CUSTOMERS TO DO OUR MANUFACTURING AND SHIPPING, TOO.

SO...HUNGRY MAY I TRAIN A CUSTOMER TO DO MY JOB?

50...

WHAT DO I DO?

YOU'RE DOING IT.

SURE.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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