Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 22nd October 2006

Dilbert//6399, first published twenty years ago on Sunday 22nd October 2006

Official transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Our employee onboarding process will get you all mainstreamed in no time at all."

"This will be your cubicle, if we can find another place to store this junk."

"You'll get a phone and a computer if the budget ever gets approved."

"This is Alice. She will be your mentor."

"I don't have time to babysit! I'm buried in work!"

"I do not like you. I...do...not...like you!!!"

"Stand in the hallway and read these binders. If you learn anything, forget it, because knowledge isn't rewarded here."

"Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES OUR EMPLOYEE ONBOARDING PROCESS WILL GET YOU ALL THIS WILL BE YOUR CUBICLE, IF WE CAN FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO STORE THIS JUNK. YOULL GET A PHONE AND A COMPUTER IF THE BUDGET THIS IS ALICE.

SHE WILL BE YOUR MENTOR.

MAINSTREAMED IN NO TIME AT ALL.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BABYSIT! IM BURIED IN WORK!

I DO NOT LIKE YOU.

I... DO... NOT..

LIKE YOU!!!

EVER GETS APPROVED.

STAND IN THE HALLWAY AND READ THESE BINDERS. IF YOU LEARN ANYTHING, FORGET IT, BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE ISN'T REWARDED HERE TRY GIVING UP HOPE. IT TURNS THE BAD FEELING INTO EMPTINESS.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

AI Analysis

Comic Strip Title: "The Evil Director of Human Resources"

Summary:

The comic strip features Catbert, the evil director of human resources, who is known for his cruel and unusual practices. In this particular strip, Catbert is seen attempting to implement a new policy that requires employees to store their personal belongings in a designated area, known as "the junk." The policy is met with resistance from the employees, who are outraged by the idea of being forced to store their personal items in a public area.

Key Scenes:

• Catbert announces the new policy to the employees, who are shocked and outraged by the idea.
• An employee, Alice, tries to reason with Catbert, but he is unmoved by her concerns.
• The employees begin to protest the policy, with one employee even going so far as to threaten to quit if the policy is not reversed.
• Catbert remains unyielding, insisting that the policy is necessary to maintain order and discipline in the workplace.

Overall:

The comic strip pokes fun at the idea of a corporate culture that values order and discipline above all else, and the lengths to which management will go to enforce their policies. The strip also highlights the absurdity of some corporate policies and the ways in which they can be used to control and manipulate employees.

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