Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 20th July 2008

Dilbert//7036, first published eighteen years ago on Sunday 20th July 2008

Tags

failed to accomplish

Official transcript

The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?"

Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories."

Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time."

Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems."

Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud."

Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it."

Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?"

Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

WHY HAVE YOU FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH ANY OF YOUR OBJECTIVES THIS QUARTER?

WELL, I TOOK THE OBJECTIVES YOU GAVE ME AND PUT THEM INTO THREE CATEGORIES.

THE FIRST GROUP INCLUDES PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITIES, SUCH AS BEING IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME.

THE SECOND GROUP INCLUDES LOGICAL IMPOSSIBILITIES, SUCH AS ANTICIPATING UNFORESEEN PROBLEMS.

LAST, WE HAVE THE ILLEGAL OBJECTIVES, INCLUDING INDUSTRIAL SPYING AND CONSUMER FRAUD 50 I SPENT MY TIME DOING THINGS THAT ARE BOTH IMPORTANT AND LEGAL, WHILE HOPING YOU WOULDN'T FIRE ME FOR IT.

WHOA, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? IS IT MY IMAGINATION, OR DID I JUST WIN THIS CONVERSATION?

IT WAS MY IMAGINATION.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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