Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 5th April 2009

Dilbert//7295, first published seventeen years ago on Sunday 5th April 2009

Tags

stubborn stupidity project unavailable bureaucracy

Official transcript

The boss says, "Finish this project in two weeks."

The boss says, "And make sure you get input from all the executive stakeholders."

Dilbert says, "That's impossible."

The boss says, "Why?"

Dilbert says, "Let's call one of the ten stakeholders and I'll show you."

Beep beep This is Ed Bigston's voice mail. I'm not available...ever. I am either on vacation, or sick, or traveling, or in a meeting. I do not check e-mail or return phone calls. Like the horizon, I am more of a concept than a corporeal being. Despair is your only option. The boss says, "Try faxing him."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

FINISH THIS PROJECT IN TWO WEEKS.

AND MAKE SURE YOU GET INPUT FROM ALL THE EXECUTIVE STAKEHOLDERS.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

LET'S CALL ONE OF THE TEN STAKEHOLDERS AND I'LL SHOW YOU.

WHY?

THIS IS ED BIGSTON'S VOICE MAIL. I'M NOT AVAILABLE... EVER.

I AM EITHER ON VACATION, OR SICK, OR TRAVELING, OR IN A MEETING.

I DO NOT CHECK EMAIL OR RETURN PHONE CALLS.

LIKE THE HORIZON, I AM MORE OF A CONCEPT THAN A CORPOREAL BEING.

DESPAIR IS YOUR ONLY OPTION.

TRY FAXING HIM.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

Accompanying textual content, such as title, tags and transcripts, is shown here if we have it. Not every comic has all of these, and they seem to be a bit hit and miss even on the official website.