Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 24th June 2012

Dilbert//8471, first published fourteen years ago on Sunday 24th June 2012

Tags

carbon dioxide exhales endangered species fabrications harbard higgs boson particle licorice and flashlight national football league no bragging rights no kids training for olympics

Official transcript

Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

MY DAUGHTER IS TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPICS. MY SON IS GOING TO HARVARD.

I HAVE NO SPAWN OF MY OWN, 50 I CLAIM THE RIGHT TO NAME A PROXY TO BRAG ON MY BEHALF.

TOPPER, I NEED YOU.

COURSE YOU DO MY DAUGHTER DISCOVERED THE HIGGS BOSON PARTICLE USING NOTHING BUT LICORICE AND A FLASHLIGHT.

MY SON INHALES CARBON DIOXIDE AND EXHALES ENDANGERED SPECIES WHILE PLAYING IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

THIS ISN'T FAIR!

YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE UP STUFF!

ACCORDING TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF BOASTERS, FABRICATIONS ARE ACCEPTABLE.

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO THAT GUY.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM.

I WIN.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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