Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 30th December 2012

Dilbert//8660, first published fourteen years ago on Sunday 30th December 2012

Tags

delusional sociopath executives gardener goat writing autobiograohy hallucinations hard work intuition magical thinking non-fiction vision regrets

Official transcript

Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End."

I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too."

CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

I FINISHED GHOSTWRITING YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

"I WAS RIDICULOUSLY LUCKY. THE END." I WAS HOPING YOU'D INCLUDE SOMETHING ABOUT ALL OF MY HARD WORK.

YOU DIDN'T WORK ANY HARDER THAN YOUR GARDENER, AND HE LIVES IN HIS TRUCK.

WHAT ABOUT MY VISION AND MY INTUITION?

MY FIRST DRAFT HAD A CHAPTER ON YOUR HALLUCINATIONS AND MAGICAL THINKING.

BUT I COVERED THAT GROUND WITH THE TITLE: "I'M A DELUSIONAL SOCIOPATH AND YOU CAN TOO." I'M STARTING TO REGRET PAYING YOU IN ADVANCE.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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