Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 28th April 2013

Dilbert//8779, first published thirteen years ago on Sunday 28th April 2013

Tags

frustration wages bounuses usual formula pure luck performance huge consumer demand bad job marketing engineers bonus hard wrok business money

Official transcript

Boss: Your bonuses this year will be based on the usual formula. 50% is based on pure luck. And 50% is based on the performance of people you have never met. This year, the luck factor was good. Our industry experienced huge consumer demand. Unfortunately, people who you have never met did a bad job of marketing and sales are terrible. And for that, you engineers must be punished. No bonuses for you. Luckily for me, my bonus is based on how well I can convince you idiots to work hard while getting no bonuses. I don't like to brag, but I'm fairly sure I'm nailing it.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

YOUR BONUSES THIS YEAR WILL BE BASED ON THE USUAL FORMULA.

50% IS BASED ON PURE LUCK.

AND 50% IS BASED ON THE PERFORMANCE OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN MET.

SOME THIS YEAR, THE LUCK FACTOR WAS GOOD. OUR INDUSTRY EXPERIENCED HUGE CONSUMER DEMAND.

UNFORTUNATELY, PEOPLE WHO YOU HAVE NEVER MET DID A BAD JOB OF MARKETING AND SALES ARE TERRIBLE.

AND FOR THAT, YOU ENGINEERS MUST BE PUNISHED.

NO BONUSES FOR YOU.

LUCKILY FOR ME, MY BONUS IS BASED ON HOW WELL I CAN CONVINCE YOU IDIOTS TO WORK HARD WHILE GETTING NO BONUSES.

I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG, BUT I'M FAIRLY SURE I'M NAILING IT.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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