Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 26th May 2013

Dilbert//8807, first published thirteen years ago on Sunday 26th May 2013

Tags

cheeseburger dead man walking deception dried apricot heart inventions medical diagnosis program to hate neutrino sensor

Official transcript

Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

I PROGRAMMED OUR ROBOT TO MAKE MEDICAL DIAGNOSES.

IT CAN SCAN YOUR BODY USING ITS NEUTRINO SENSOR.

ROBOT, PLEASE DEMONSTRATE DEAD MAN WALKING!

WHAT?

YOUR BRAIN IS THE SIZE OF A DRIED APRICOT.

YOUR HEART IS MORE CHEESEBURGER THAN HUMAN TISSUE. YOU WILL BE DEAD IN ELEVEN DAYS, SIX HOURS, AND NINETEEN MINUTES.

GAAA!!!

WHY DID YOU PROGRAM PEOPLE?

IT WAS EASIER THAN INVENTING A NEUTRINO SENSOR.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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