Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 11th May 2014
Dilbert//9157, first published twelve years ago on Sunday 11th May 2014
Tags
efficiency experts, employee tracking, wandering aorund, meetings, restroom trips, employee monitoring, wrist monitor, low levels of caffeine, typos up, beat authority figure, tablet computer, danger signals, workloads
Official transcript
Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.
originally published on dilbert.com
Open source transcript
HOA IMPLE SEE 3452378 IS DOING.
ACCORDING TO OUR EMPLOYEE TRACKING SYSTEM, YOU HAVE WANDERED AROUND THE OFFICE 17% MORE THAN THE AVERAGE EMPLOYEE.
MAYBE I HAVE MORE MEETINGS THAN MOST PEOPLE.
NO, MOST OF THE DIFFERENCE IS IN RESTROOM TRIPS AND DETOURS PAST AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN'S DESK.
YOUR WRIST MONITOR SHOWS UNACCEPTABLY LOW LEVELS OF CAFFEINE FOR YOUR WORKLOAD.
THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOUR TYPOS ARE UP 9% AND YOU HAVE LOOKED AWAY FROM YOUR WORKSTATION NINE MORE TIMES THAN LAST MONTH.
NOW YOUR WRIST MONITOR INDICATES A DESIRE TO BEAT AN AUTHORITY FIGURE TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN TABLET COMPUTER.
PHEW! YOUR BRAIN'S WUSS SUBROUTINE JUST KICKED IN. THE DANGER HAS PASSED
collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive
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