Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 15th May 2016

Dilbert//9892, first published ten years ago on Sunday 15th May 2016

Tags

expectations, unrealistic, project, group, laziness, prediction

Official transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

WHEN DO YOU EXPECT TO FINISH YOUR PROJECT?

NEVER.

THAT'S YOUR PLAN?

NO, MY PLAN IS TO BE DONE IN A WEEK.

YOU ASKED ME WHAT I EXPECT.

I BASE MY EXPECTATIONS ON THE QUALITY OF PEOPLE YOU ASSIGNED TO MY PROJECT WITHOUT ASKING MY OPINION.

THE TIME-WASTERS OUTNUMBER THE PRODUCTIVE PEOPLE ON THE TEAM BY THREE TO ONE.

UNDER THAT SCENARIO, PLUS YOUR TOTAL LACK OF LEADERSHIP, THE WORLD WILL END BEFORE THIS PROJECT DOES THEN WHY IS YOUR PLAN TO BE DONE IN ONE WEEK?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I TELL THE TRUTH.

LET'S COMPRO MISE ON TwO WEEKS.

CAN WE SET THOSE TWO WEEKS ON AUTO- RENEW?

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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