Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 24th January 2021

Dilbert//11607, first published five years ago on Sunday 24th January 2021

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

Tags

business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm

Official transcript

boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

ALL OF MY BAD QUALITIES SEEM TO BE CANCELING EACH OTHER OUT.

FOR EXAMPLE, I WANT TO MICROMANAGE MY STAFF, BUT I'M TOO LAZY.

AND I WANT TO DO SOME CORPORATE BACKSTABBING, BUT I'M NOT THAT BRAVE.

I ENJOY LYING, AND I'D LIKE TO DO MORE OF IT, BUT MY CREDIBILITY IS SO LOW THAT NO ONE BELIEVES ME.

I WANT TO MOCK MY EMPLOYEES FOR THEIR MISTAKES, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND ENOUGH ABOUT WHAT THEY DO TO KNOW WHEN THEY ARE DOING IT WRONG.

I WANT TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THE SUCCESSES OF MY EMPLOYEES, BUT I DON'T GIVE THEM ENOUGH SUPPORT TO SUCCEED.

OUR CEO JUST CALLED. HE SAYS HE IS NAMING YOU THE MANAGER OF THE YEAR.

HE MUST BE DEEPLY UNINFORMED.

YES, BUT HE'S ALSO LAZY, 50 HE PICKED YOU RANDOMLY.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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