Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 10th January 1999

Dilbert//3557, first published 27 years ago on Sunday 10th January 1999

Tags

how to book teach people winning lottery numbers find free real estate lose weight tubs of ice cream strong abs see angels near death experience get rid witnesses

Official transcript

Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to"

book."

Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers."

Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods."

Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream."

Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going."

Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience."

Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses."

Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

I'M WRITING A COMPREHENSIVE "HOW TO" BOOK IN CHAPTER ONE, I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO PICK WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS.

CHAPTER TWO: HOW TO FIND FREE REAL ESTATE IN VERY NICE NEIGHBORHOODS.

CHAPTER THREE: HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT BY EATING HUGE TUBS OF ICE CREAM.

CHAPTER FOUR: HOW TO BUILD STRONG ABS BY JOINING A GYM AND NEVER GOING.

FINALLY, HOW TO SEE ANGELS BY GIVING YOURSELF A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE.

THAT LAST ONE IS JUST TO GET RID OF ALL THE WITNESSES.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, I DON'T FEEL SO BAD ABOUT NOT RECYCLING.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

Accompanying textual content, such as title, tags and transcripts, is shown here if we have it. Not every comic has all of these, and they seem to be a bit hit and miss even on the official website.