Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 2nd March 2003
Dilbert//5069, first published 23 years ago on Sunday 2nd March 2003
Tags
abuse audio menu system freezing love problem low level technician same questions too much optimism waited in que tech support
Official transcript
Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?"
The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!"
The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!"
The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..."
Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast."
Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers."
The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot."
Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you."
The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?"
Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."
originally published on dilbert.com
Open source transcript
THIS IS DOGBERT'S TECH SUPPORT. HOW MAY I ABUSE YOU?
FINALLY!! IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO PENETRATE YOUR INSCRUTABLE AUDIO MENU SYSTEM!
THEN I WAITED IN QUEUE FOR FORTY MINUTES!
MY PROBLEM IS THAT MY COMPUTER KEEPS FREEZING...
I NEED TO KNOW YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, OPERATING SYSTEM, EMAIL ADDRESS, SERIAL NUMBERS, SOFTWARE VERSIONS AND VIDEO DRIVERS.
THEN I'LL PUT YOU IN QUEUE FOR THE LOW- LEVEL TECHNICIAN WHO CAN ONLY TELL YOU TO REBOOT.
HE'LL ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTIONS FOR REASONS THAT WILL BAFFLE YOU.
NO!
FAST.
BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL SOLVE MY PROBLEM, RIGHT?
SURE, IF YOUR PROBLEM IS TOO MUCH OPTIMISM.
collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive
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