Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 29th November 2009

Dilbert//7533, first published seventeen years ago on Sunday 29th November 2009

Tags

project manager gene pool kitchen losing foreboding anguish monitoring

Official transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Ellen, your new project manager."

The Boss says, "If you do a bad job, Ellen will be on you like a ton of bricks."

Boss says, "And if you do a good job, she will be threatened by your success and make it her mission to destroy you."

Dilbert says, "Wait...what?"

Dilbert says, "Did you just tell me I'm going to lose no matter what I do?"

Ellen says, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

Ellen says, "And by kitchen I mean the entire job market And the gene pool."

"Dilbert says, "I have a bad feeling about this."

Ellen says, "Your anguish nourishes me!"

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

, THIS IS ELLEN, YOUR NEW PROJECT MANAGER.

IF YOU DO A BAD JOB, ELLEN WILL BE ON YOU LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.

AND IF YOU DO A GOOD JOB, SHE WILL FEEL THREATENED BY YOUR SUCCESS AND MAKE IT HER MISSION TO REATAN MA WAIT.

WHAT?

DID YOU JUST TELL ME I'M GOING TO LOSE NO MATTER WHAT I DO?

IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT, STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

AND BY KITCHEN I MEAN THE ENTIRE JOB MARKET.

AND THE GENE POOL.

I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

YOUR ANGUISH NOURISHES ME!

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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