Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 6th December 2009

Dilbert//7540, first published seventeen years ago on Sunday 6th December 2009

Tags

cold-calling sales engineer threatening fire closing economy business engineering

Official transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging"

Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day."

Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell."

Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale."

Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths."

Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift."

Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator."

Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?"

Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

DOGBERT THE CEO SALES HAVE BEEN LAGGING.

I WANT EACH OF YOU TO COLD-CALL TEN CUSTOMERS PER DAY.

WE'RE ENGINEERS.

WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SELL.

JUST FOLLOW THIS SCRIPT. IT'S GUARANTEED TO CLOSE EVERY SALE.

HELLO. I'M CALLING ON BEHALF OF THE POLICE AND FIREFIGHTERS' CHARITY FOR UNATTRACTIVE YOUTHS.

IF YOU SEND US $500 WE WILL SEND YOU A LOVELY PIECE OF SOFTWARE AS A THANK YOU GIFT.

YOUR HOUSE CATCHES ON FIRE, YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF HANDCUFFED TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

DILBERT?

IS THAT YOU?

HI, .

I'M IN SALES NOW.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

Accompanying textual content, such as title, tags and transcripts, is shown here if we have it. Not every comic has all of these, and they seem to be a bit hit and miss even on the official website.