Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 8th May 2016

Dilbert//9885, first published ten years ago on Sunday 8th May 2016

Tags

logic, false logic, imagination, managers, review, performance

Official transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

I CAN'T GIVE YOU A RAISE BECAUSE YOUR PERFORMANCE WAS ONLY AVERAGE.

HOW CAN YOU CALCULATE AN AVERAGE FOR MY PERFORMANCE?

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN IN MY EXACT SITUATION.

I COMPARED YOU TO OTHER EMPLOYEES.

YOU COMPARED ME TO STRANGERS DOING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS?

NO, I COMPARED YOU TO IMAGINARY PEOPLE DOING YOUR EXACT JOB.

IT'S CALLED MANAGING, AND I'M VERY GOOD AT IT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOOD AT IT?

BECAUSE IMAGINARY PEOPLE DO THIS JOB WORSE THAN I DO.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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