Dilbert cartoon first published on Sunday 26th April 2020

Dilbert//11334, first published six years ago on Sunday 26th April 2020

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Tags

design, business, headphones, maximum, customer, annoyance, charging, port, guess, incorrect, frustration, fit, customers, ship, user

Official transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase.

originally published on dilbert.com

Open source transcript

IVE DESIGNED THESE OVER-EAR HEADPHONES FOR MAXIMUM CUSTOMER ANNOYANCE.

THE CHARGING PORT IS ONLY ON ONE SIDE, SO THE USER HAS A FIFTY PERCENT CHANCE OF GUESSING WRONG.

AND THE CHARGER ONLY FITS IF YOU PUT IT IN RIGHT- SIDE UP.

TO INCREASE THE FRUSTRATION, I MADE THE PLUG LOOK THE SAME ON BOTH SIDES.

BEST OF ALL, THE PLUG IS SO POORLY DESIGNED THAT HALF THE TIME IT DOESN'T SEEM TO FIT, EVEN WHEN YOU PUT IT IN CORRECTLY.

I MADE THE HEADPHONES BLACK, SO YOU CAN'T EASILY FIND THE CHARGER HOLE IN LOW LIGHT.

NINETY PERCENT OF USERS WILL BE CURSING US EVERY TIME THEY TRY TO RECHARGE.

CUSTOMERS WON'T KNOW ANY OF THIS UNTIL AFTER THEY PURCHASE.

SHIP IT.

collated from github.com/jvarn/dilbert-archive

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